The end

I don't know why, but this time of year (New Years) ALWAYS bums me out. My best best best friend Arryn was like "I love it. It's a time to start all over. A fresh start." And she's probably right. :) But in my mind it's like "It's over." So what can I do, to make myself excited about the new year?

Right now, I'm kind of freaking out to be honest. I'm excited, and scared....nervous and confident. What does this new chapter in my life bring? I don't know. But I'm ready....

I think.

Sometimes

Sometimes I'm just the best friend. The one everyone can talk to. I don't even mind! I love having best friends to talk to about anything. To have those inside jokes with. The ones who laugh for no reason, but to laugh. But once in awhile, I would like to be the leading lady. The pretty one. The one who gets noticed. I wanna be the one someone gets nervous around, who stumbles over his words. Whose lips were meant to say my name. And you know what?

I don't think it's that huge of a request. To be noticed, that is. To have someone want us the way we want them.

I'm not saying this is all that I focus on, because it isn't. I have a life! But when everyone around is in like with someone, it gets me thinking.

When is it my turn?

xoxox, Lisha

Pieces

I am a puzzle
And you have a piece of me
Probably the best

SnowMan Haiku

I am a snowman
Looking for a snow-woman
Flakes are all I see

(Get it?! Like snowflakes!!! I'm so funny sometimes ;)

Beauty.

So today I went to Temple Square and watched the lights turn on for the first time. I've been there before during the Christmas season, seen the beautiful and intricate design, and went home feeling all festive and warm and fuzzy. But this year, for me, was different. I was there when they actually turned it on....I saw the red Christmas tree light up. I saw the glimmer of the red lights bouncing off the snow. I saw Christmas today. I saw my breath today. I felt coldness on my face. I saw preciousness. I saw the Gospel in it's fullness as Sister Missionaries were telling people about Christ's love for them. I saw a nativity and wanted to stare at it all night. I think about Last December...and honestly how much it hurt my heart. I didn't want this Christmas to come.
But tonight, it sparked something inside of me. Something peaceful. Something real. I want to feek like that all the time. And feel what I felt tonight. I want this to be the December I remember from now on.

XOXO, Lisha

Hurry up and wait

Okay so this is supposedly the time in my life when I'm supposed to be having all of the fun a person can have, and have all the opportunities a person could ever want. But I feel like I'm running in place. Like I'm getting nowhere fast. Like the world is saying "LISHA MOVE IT!" and I'm standing there looking like an idiot!
I know where I want to be, where I should be. I want to be there everyday. I want to be busy and motivated. I want to do a cartwheel. ( Just seeing if you were paying attention because I don't really want to do a cartwheel.) I really do love life and have a passionate spirit, which is probably why this month is going to go by so slow. Because I know 2011 is just waiting for me to jump in and go. It's waiting for me to give it my all! And I'll probably look back and realize how good I had it right now. Patience never was my strong suit. What else is there to do? So I'll just pray that I can have the courage to savor every moment that I'm going to miss at home. And I'll pray too that I can survive the wonderful college experience waiting for me :)

Love, Lisha

Soulmates

I love getting to know people that you automatically click with. People you know will be in your life for a long time. I love calling these people friends :) I love laughing. I love inside jokes. I love soup. And I love nights. They are so L*Chaz! (Holla ;) I love my home and my friends here, but there is something exciting about starting a new chapter, with new soulmates. New memories to have. New laughs to laugh, hugs to hug.
Sometimes I think back to the people that aren't in my life anymore, and realize how much better off I am. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. And at the time we may not know why something didn't go our way, but in the end we have so much more than we had at the beginning. This life is meant to be enjoyed! Not just endured, right? So surround yourself with the people that make you want to be a better version of yourself. Be around people who make you feel beautiful and gorgeous.
Be you. Because guess what? YOU is just what I need ;)

It's like This

It's like I'm invisible and opaque all at once.
It's like I'm breathing and drowning.
It's like I'm filled to the brim and starving...
Yearning.
For that hand to be in mine.
For those oasis' of blue that you call eyes to be staring at me.
For your chin to be on my shoulder when you hug
me close.
I can't get enough of your laugh. Or your
cologne.
Or your voice.
Or your presence.
It's like I'm running and standing still.
It's like I'm in a pool of dry water.
It's like I can see you...
Seeing me.

xoxo, Lisha

Twitterpated

So have you ever felt twitterpated? Like head over heels, stars in your eyes, only dreaming about this one person, everytime you see them you get butterflies, just wanna be around them all the time, twitterpated? Isn't it the craziest feeling? It's like you want to should from the rooftops "I'M IN SEVER LIKE WITH YOU!!!" But at the same time you want to hide under a sheet because if they knew that you liked them....
What? What would happen? I mean the worst probably is that they say "I just want to be friends". And what's so wrong with that? Probably nothing. Probably Everything.
Liking someone in a romantic way and not having those feelings returned can be devastating. Humilating. Sad. Pathetic. A tragedy.
But honestly, wouldn't you rather have someone tell you right away that those feelings aren't returned? I've sad it before, but I'd rather be hurt for a minute with the truth than forever with your lies.
SO...say what you feel! Live what you say! Dance your heart out! Sing like you mean it! AND Love, like your heart will never break :)

Lisha

MMMM Life

Life is like a peach.
A juicy, mouth watering,
I love you so much I wanna marry you and
have peach Lisha babies Peach.
The kind you never want to end.
The kind you want to share with your mom
because you want to spread the joy.
The kind you don't care if it's messy...
The big kind.
The kind that you look at it, and think
"wow. I can't believe someone made this for me".
Life's like that.

--Lisha Michel

Funny

Life is so funny sometimes. Well, ya know, a lot of the time. I'm so glad that I know there is a plan for me...bigger than the one I had for myself. I've learned in the last few weeks that when I really listen to my Savior it pays off big time...and in little ways too. I think that's the key. LOOKING for your blessings, not just waiting for the life altering ones to appear. More often than not, they DON'T! It's the little things that add up. I stopped one day and just thought about all of the things I'm lucky enough to have. Wonderful family that is super close, AMAZING friends, a warm bed, running water...etc.
I'm not saying that I never have bad days, because let's face it. Who doesn't? But You have to have the bad days to appreciate those days that you never want to end :) right? I'm not perfect...but have learned today that I am a Beautiful Mess

Until next time, Lisha

Just so you know

Just so you know my name is Lisha
oh and I love apple pie...for any meal.
I love people and laughing,
and it's true. I would rather have a cheeseburger
than a salad.
I would rather be hurt for a minute by the truth,
than forever with lies.
Just so you know, I'm different.
Just so you know it's okay to like me.
I'm worth it.
Just so you know, my heart is always open...maybe a little too open at times.
Just so you know I'm the real deal.
Oh and just so you know...
I didn't lie at all in this poem.


Love, Lisha

What were you wearing?

So today of course was Family Home Evening. My friend Amy has 4 kids (3 older ones and a baby) and today the lesson was on observing other peoples needs. (Oh and after supper she had asked her kids to change into their pajamas)
She started the lesson by asking her 3 year old, Isabel, to stand up. She asked us (Paul, Alora, and I) what she had been wearing that day. The kids of course were caught off guard and didn't know what to say.
This got me thinking, how observant are we really? Would I really recognize if someone needed help? Am I willing to help them? Honestly, sometimes it's the last thing I really want to do. But, then I really got to thinking. Christ would have never turned his back on anyone. And I know that for a fact.
So, if I really am trying to be more Christlike, I need to learn to recognize when people are feeling left out or alone. It's hard to know what to say all the time. But I learned something a little while ago...people just want you to listen. Sometimes they don't even want you to solve their problem, they just want to be heard.

Love, Lisha

Oh Canada

I'm in Canada eh?! I love it here. I love the smell. I love the gravy with the fries. I love the loonies and the toonies. I love the money that comes in all different colors. I love the way every one says "aboot". I love how at night you can go out on your front porch and look up and see a million stars.

I was born here and have been here every summer since I was about five to visit my family. I LOVE it, but am feeling so torn. I love my life in Utah, but I love the way people live here. So if there was someway to transport the people and things that I loved in Utah to Canada I would be on cloud 9! But alas....

So if you ever get the chance to go to Southern Alberta...GO!!! You won't regret it. Ooooh and tell me! Because I would love to go with you! :D

When was LIFE not just cereal?

Somehow, somewhere, Something inside me clicked the other day. I realized that I have been living in a cloud of "Lisha". SO self absorbed and just it was all about me. I've been tired and oblivious to my surroundings. I was just going through the motions. Going through the days.
I realized the other day that if I want something I can't feel guilty for wanting it. I want so much out of my life...And I know what I don't want.

I got the chance today to visit my grandmother whom I had not seen since I was about 2. And only in my situation could you really understand what this meant. My father (her son) and I don't really speak. Whether it's because he isn't able to or doesn't want to doesn't really matter to me. I just know that communication never happens. I kind of wish it did...sometimes. But at other times I realize it is what it is. So before the visit happened, I had butterflies to the unth degree! But when I saw this sweet lady, I realized all my worries could be flung out the window. She was so eager to see me, to know what I was doing. I felt so good doing something for someone else. All she wanted to do was meet me...and she did.

My new focus is to serve my fellowman. To really know people...to make them feel of worth. My other focus is to "de-crap" my life. I want to focus on something of importance...
I'll let you know what that is when I find it ;)

Till next time, Lisha

Your Simplicity

I'll be your Simplicity.
Your spoon in valley of forks.
Your whole number in a Cul de Sac of fractions.
I'm your Simplicity in your sea of complicated.
I'll be by you in every way.
Your magnet of your fridge of life....
Your Simplicity.

--Lisha Michel

Whenever

Whenever life gets too dangerous,
You're always there to catch me.
Waiting.
With the answer that I long to hear.
But,
When life is calm and steadfast
You seem to be gone...and far away.
And I don't know which I like better.
You listening to my fears?
Or my life being ok...
whenever you're not there.

--Lisha Michel

Can't help it

From the curves of my hips
and the chocolate in my eyes,
I can't help but feel beautiful.
I can't help but spread my joy,
My love of this life.
Because we only get one chance...
One chance to feel desireable,
and sexy. and gorgeous, and lovely.
And I feel all these things.
I'm deeply in love with
these flaws that you see.
The things tht make me; me.
I know what I am,
I know what I'm not.
And I know that I'm not
going to be the one for you...
If you can't see what
I do.

---Lisha Michel

Invisible

At times I feel invisble,
Even when your hand touches mine.
Your face is clear as glass,
But I cannot cross that line.
The empty space that fills my heart,
A place that you once knew....
Why are you so distant now?
It's like we're someplace untrue.
...So stop pretending...
My heart is broken already!
But you probably can't even see
it. Because I'm invisible.
To you.

Summer Rain

It's like that summer rain that's unexpected.
That tap on the shoulder from someone behind you.
That spark that you didn't think was there,
with that guy you've seen a thousand times.
The beauty you find underneath those layers of paint
on that human canvas.
Suprising isn't it?
That what we think we want is never there...
But what we need more than anything can be right there,
staring you the face.

---Lisha Michel

Peanut Butter

So I was a total flake I will admit it. In my post about the update on my life I forgot to include an amazing person that I have met and become amazing best friends with!!!! Her name is Arryn and seriously this girl is aMAHzing! We seriously just started talking one Thursday about 7 weeks ago and have been laughing our guts out ever since. We are like PB&J. (She's the pb, I'm the J) Arryn is amazingly talented and plays the French Horn among MANY MANY MANY others! She just got accepted into the Weber music program and I could not be more happy for her. :) She will do absolutely wonderful! In closing, (Sounds like a talk haha) I just want to thank her for her super fantastic friendship! It's so cool to find someone that you just click with :)

Frozen

It's like I'm here, but invisible.
Clear but opaque.
Consumed yet empty.
It's like I'm liquid and melting,
But strong and sturdy.
Nothing makes sense, but when you hold
my hand. I understand.
Everything is just as it should be.
When I see your face, The world around me is blurry.
But you are in focus. And when you speak those sweet melodious
sounds that you define as words, My heart
skips a beat.
Too bad you are just a dream.
A dream that only happens, everytime I breathe.

--Lisha Michel

Do People ever just bug?

Okay so here's how it's going.....
PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man! Okay so I'm not perfect by ANY means, but I think that in today's society people should have some social skills! Being Socially inept should no longer be an issue when you're an adult, but especially when you are going into an industry that is all about customer service. There is this girl, let's call her Carol. Carol has some issues around people. She has a hard time listening and paying attention, then having really weird questions on top of it. I was having such a hard time in class today focusing because I was watching Carol! It was kind of ridiculous. She was a huge distraction to everyone in class.
My new goal is to to have patience with Carol. I realized that while writing that paragraph I need to be kind. I need to see her as my Heavenly Father sees her, and he sees her for all that she is worth. It's so hard to be nice to people that bother you! Anyone have any suggestions???

Love, Lisha

Happy these days!

So it's been like a century since I blogged last and honestly, I missed it! I'm going to try and do it every other day! It's like therapy for me. So much has happened! Let's see if I can remember it all....

I have gone on Spring Break to DisneyLand with the Tanner and had so much fun I couldn't even see straight!
I turned 19! (Not too sure how I feel about that)
I officially have a 1 year old brother.
I have had blonde, red, and now Purple Fringe (bangs)
I checked my hours at school today and am at 1218!!!! (I need 2000)
My Tanner has moved to Orlando :/ I mean :) (Because I am being supportive and all)
I am still in LOVE with life and am currently trying this new thing where I get inspired by everything around me. So far? Not too shabby.
I am writing poetry whenever I get the chance.
I LOVE cutting hair!
My next career move is still undecided!
Last but not least, I am still currently....available ;)

I think that about covers it. I am trying so hard everyday to do what is right. At times, I'm not gonna lie it is really challenging!!! I am truly blessed to have AMAZING people by my side to help me through this crazy journey I call my life. :) I don't know what I would do without them.

Love, Lisha ;)

This crazy road

Sometimes I think I'm so sure about what I want out of life. I make every step with perfect grace and the universe takes over and it all turns out wonderful....then sometimes it doesn't. Hearts break, people walk away and all you're left with is you. You and God are all you can rely on. I'm so blessed to have great people surrounding me all of the time. I love my family and friends, they are such a support to me. People take things for granted, and I don't wanna be one of those people. Life is too short to not tell someone "I love you" or "I was thinking about you". Do it today. Right now. You never know when it's the last time. You never know where life may take you. ENJOY the ride! Dream like there is no tomorrow....laugh like no one can hear you. SMILE like it's going out of style.

FuNnY vALeNtiNe

So Valentine's day is soooon! And I don't have a REAL Valentine...but can't wait for the day when I really do. I can't wait to find that someone who I think is so special that I never wanna lose them, and they feel the same way. That one person who I can't stop thinking about...that one person who holds my hand just because. I'm a hopeless romantic...can you tell? :) One day it'll happen, but until then I'll just wait. I'll make myself the best person I can be, wanting them to do the same. Have you ever thought about that? That somewhere on this planet, is someone walking around breathing, eating, dancing, writing...whatever, that is made just for you to love. I'm not convince that there is that ONE person for everyone, but there are people better suited for you than others. I do believe in soulmates....people who are so compatible it's kind of scary. That all they have to do is look at each other and know each other's thoughts. And I can't wait for the day when someone knows exactly what I'm thinking....without me saying a word :)

Am I living up to my full potential?

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.-Erma Brombeck

How wonderfully fulfilling that would be, to know that you had done everything to the best of your ability? That you shared your strengths and talents every chance you got. You developed the things you were struggling with and truly knew the meeting of humility. I try my hardest everyday to think about what I could be doing better, what can I do to help someone else today? It's so weird to be in your own little bubble, listening to the soundtrack of your life in your head when someone stops you and says "Thanks. You don't know how much that meant to me." When honestly I don't even know what I did! Sometimes I feel invisible. Like I can see everyone, and forget that I'm being watched. I'm being watched all the time, even when I don't really want to be. People look to see what the "mormon girl" does. It really does make me laugh because, I make so many mistakes!!! I'm not perfect by any means but it's funny to see girls at school reactions when I don't wanna get wasted over the weekend....
I sure hope that to someone I'm an example, a friend to those who need it, and a shoulder to cry on. I know life isn't always easy, but it's sure easier to deal with when someone is beside you knowing exactly what you feel like.

I thought it would all be perfect...

Well I'm back after a long while without blogging! I think this will be my new thereapy. Well since my last post I have graduated high school, started a job, and started Beauty school. Life got away from me, I guess you could say. When school started up again, friends left and started the next chapter of their lives. I did too, but it was different because I've stayed at home. I struggled alot with my identity, something I was always firm in growing up. I've questioned who I am so many times...wondering if I'm really doing the right thing for me. Wondering "Is this even me?" I finally came to the conclusion that this is who I want to be. I want to be that person that is steadfast and constantly reliable. But I want to do that without being a doormat, without losing sight of my goals and ambitions. I need to do what's right for me and only me if I want to succeed. I need to love myself and all of myself and embrace my flaws and my perfections. I need to love others the way my Heavenly Father loves them....which is not always easy to do. I need to know what's right and wrong in my own life. I need to find God again. I thought I could do it all on my own.
I just realized this. If I think I can do it all on my own, that's all I have. Myself. But when I let God in, and humble myself, He's always there. And maybe he was there all along but I didn't see him because I didn't look beside me. I didn't look in my hand to see that he was holding it all along...